Quote

I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Morning
Joints
High
Stayed
Whether
Smoke
Wanted
Wake
Long
Decide
Years
Figure
Figures
Couldn
Joint

More quotes by George Carlin

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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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