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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Wanted
Wake
Long
Decide
Years
Figure
Figures
Couldn
Joint
Morning
Joints
High
Stayed
Whether
Smoke
More quotes by George Carlin
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Hooray for most things!
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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