Quote

I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Years
Figure
Figures
Couldn
Joint
Morning
Joints
High
Stayed
Whether
Smoke
Wanted
Wake
Long
Decide

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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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