Quote

I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Figures
Couldn
Joint
Morning
Joints
High
Stayed
Whether
Smoke
Wanted
Wake
Long
Decide
Years
Figure

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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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