Quote

I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Believe
Performers
Worthwhile
League
Terms
Lenny
Certainly
Inventive
Term
Bruce
Social
Commentary
Right
Performer

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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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