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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
League
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Lenny
Certainly
Inventive
Term
Bruce
Social
Commentary
Right
Performer
Believe
Performers
Worthwhile
More quotes by George Carlin
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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