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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Difficult
Young
Drunken
Persons
Hanging
Soul
Fronts
Person
Front
Without
Line
Enough
Head
People
Lines
More quotes by George Carlin
In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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Religion is just mind control.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin
