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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Back
Little
Love
Commotion
Leaving
Doors
Hear
Someone
Littles

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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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