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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Talking
Firsts
First
Counterculture
Thing
Besides
Drugs
Drug
Writer
Started

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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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