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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Talking
Firsts
First
Counterculture
Thing
Besides
Drugs
Drug
Writer
Started

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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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Language always gives you away.
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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