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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thing
Besides
Drugs
Drug
Writer
Started
Talking
Firsts
First
Counterculture

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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
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Christian Deodorant: Thou Shalt Not Smell
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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