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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thing
Besides
Drugs
Drug
Writer
Started
Talking
Firsts
First
Counterculture

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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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