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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Drug
Writer
Started
Talking
Firsts
First
Counterculture
Thing
Besides
Drugs
More quotes by George Carlin
I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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Hooray for most things!
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
George Carlin
