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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Lost
Traders
Priests
Species
Took
High

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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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