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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Always
People
Quibble
Skeptic
Certainly

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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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A pear is a failed apple.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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