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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Moment
Occasion
Speak
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Moments
Truths
Persons
Suits
Person
Occasions
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Things
Fashion

More quotes by George Carlin

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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
George Carlin
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
George Carlin
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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