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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Celsius
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Your home is your refuge.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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