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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Celsius
More quotes by George Carlin
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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