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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Celsius

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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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