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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Celsius
More quotes by George Carlin
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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