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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Morning
Someone
World
Appointment
Appointments
Doctor
Doctors
Somewhere
Worse
More quotes by George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
George Carlin
