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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Doctors
Somewhere
Worse
Morning
Someone
World
Appointment
Appointments
Doctor
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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