Quote

Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thinks
Dog
Thinking
Asshole
Cat

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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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