Quote

Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Cat
Thinks
Dog
Thinking
Asshole

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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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