Quote

I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hands
Many
Flier
Kind
Unused
Always
Frequent
Like
Miles
People
Hand
Wonder
Dies

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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.
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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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