Quote

I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Many
Flier
Kind
Unused
Always
Frequent
Like
Miles
People
Hand
Wonder
Dies
Hands

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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
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I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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