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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Invisible
Fingers
Offers
Extended
Hand
Smith
Middle
Finger
Adam
Hands
Offer
Seems
Awful
People
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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