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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Seems
Offer
People
Awful
Invisible
Fingers
Offers
Extended
Hand
Smith
Middle
Finger
Hands
Adam
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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