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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Things
Never
Like
Eleven
Worked
American
Form
Government
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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