Quote

You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Eleven
Worked
American
Form
Government
Things
Never
Like

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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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