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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Eleven
Worked
American
Form
Government
Things
Never
Like

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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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Your home is your refuge.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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When people asked me, Do you get high to go onstage? I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like generally, it's an inconvenience.
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