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Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Silver
Bush
Call
Remember
Barbara

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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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