Quote

I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Changing
Maybe
Church
Whores
Around
Crack
Thinking
Cracks
Buying
Selling

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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself.
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