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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Audience
Sense
Without
Laughs
Comedian
Wouldn
Laughing

More quotes by George Carlin

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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
George Carlin
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
George Carlin
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
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No comment is a comment.
George Carlin
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
George Carlin
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
George Carlin
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I believe you can joke about anything.
George Carlin
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
George Carlin