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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Comedian
Wouldn
Laughing
Audience
Sense
Without
Laughs

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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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