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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Laughing
Audience
Sense
Without
Laughs
Comedian
Wouldn

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No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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