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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Wouldn
Laughing
Audience
Sense
Without
Laughs
Comedian

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I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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