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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Laughing
Audience
Sense
Without
Laughs
Comedian
Wouldn

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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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