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You never see a smiling runner.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Runner
Smiling
Runners
Never
More quotes by George Carlin
Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
George Carlin
When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
George Carlin
I do something about the weather. I stay home.
George Carlin
Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
George Carlin
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George Carlin
Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
George Carlin
The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
George Carlin
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
George Carlin
And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
George Carlin
Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
George Carlin
I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
George Carlin
It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
George Carlin
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
George Carlin
The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
George Carlin
We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
George Carlin
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
George Carlin
In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
George Carlin
If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
George Carlin
