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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Travel
Artist
Sketch
Camera
Cameras
Police

More quotes by George Carlin

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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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Your home is your refuge.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
George Carlin