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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Cameras
Police
Travel
Artist
Sketch
Camera

More quotes by George Carlin

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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
George Carlin
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
George Carlin
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
George Carlin
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
George Carlin
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
George Carlin
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Language always gives you away.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
George Carlin
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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What I hated most was seeing those priests and brothers getting so much pleasure out of inflicting pain. I wondered what was wrong with them.
George Carlin
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
George Carlin
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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
George Carlin
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
George Carlin
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin