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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Madeline
Suicide
Murder
Interesting
Make
Would

More quotes by George Carlin

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I don't consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist. But I understand the word cynic has more than one meaning, and I see how I could be seen as cynical. George, you're cynical. Well, you know, they say if you scratch a cynic you find a disappointed idealist. And perhaps the flame still flickers a little, you know
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
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I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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