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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Prostitute
Clergymen
Rate
Asks
Business
Next
Time
Clergyman

More quotes by George Carlin

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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Tell them what you've painted is wet, they have to touch it to believe.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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Language always gives you away.
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