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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Never
Loves
Meant
Leave
Fire
Someone
Back
Come
More quotes by George Carlin
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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Traditional American values: Genocide, aggression, conformity, emotional repression, hypocrisy, and the worship of comfort and consumer goods.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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