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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Meant
Leave
Fire
Someone
Back
Come
Never
Loves
More quotes by George Carlin
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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Golf is an arrogant, elitist game that takes up entirely too much space in this country.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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