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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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More quotes by George Carlin

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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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I think self-expression is present at all times, and whether or not you're talking about the outside world or your responses to it depends on the moment and the subject.
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We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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You never see a smiling runner.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
George Carlin