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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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Ever
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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