Quote

Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Watch
Away
Ever
Look
Looks
Time
Watches

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
George Carlin
Image
I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
Image
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
Image
Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
Image
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
George Carlin
Image
Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
George Carlin
Image
Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
Image
Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
George Carlin
Image
I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
George Carlin
Image
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
George Carlin
Image
I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
George Carlin
Image
And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
George Carlin
Image
I was once dancing with a woman who told me she had a yeast infection so I told her to bake me some bread.
George Carlin
Image
When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
George Carlin
Image
The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
George Carlin
Image
And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George Carlin
Image
When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
Image
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
Image
Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
George Carlin
Image
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
George Carlin