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Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
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Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
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Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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Life is not that complicated.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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