Quote

Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Missing
Laughing
People
Shoot
Suppose
Mouth
Miss
Mouths
Laugh

More quotes by George Carlin

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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
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No comment is a comment.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
George Carlin
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
George Carlin
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
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