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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Books
Book
Writing
Drastic
Departure
Stage

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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get up past around... a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there.
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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The phrase surgical strike might be more acceptable if it were common practice to perform surgery with high explosives.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, Hey, listen to me. Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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