Quote

Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Future
Children
Flawless
Time
Arrives
Usual
Logic
Blow
Anymore
Prove

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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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Hooray for most things!
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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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