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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Children
Flawless
Time
Arrives
Usual
Logic
Blow
Anymore
Prove
Future
More quotes by George Carlin
You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
George Carlin
