Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
George Carlin
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Future
Children
Flawless
Time
Arrives
Usual
Logic
Blow
Anymore
Prove
More quotes by George Carlin
All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
George Carlin
All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
George Carlin
I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.
George Carlin
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
George Carlin
What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
George Carlin
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
George Carlin
How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
George Carlin
I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
George Carlin
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
George Carlin
No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
George Carlin
My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
George Carlin
I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
George Carlin
God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
George Carlin
I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
George Carlin
You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
George Carlin
A pear is a failed apple.
George Carlin
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!
George Carlin