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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Future
Children
Flawless
Time
Arrives
Usual
Logic
Blow
Anymore
Prove
More quotes by George Carlin
Fussy eater is a euphemism for big pain in the ass.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.
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In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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