Quote

I believe you can joke about anything.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Joke
Jokes
Anything
Believe

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
George Carlin
Image
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
Image
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
Image
There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
George Carlin
Image
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
Image
The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
George Carlin
Image
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
George Carlin
Image
Cancer research is a growth industry.
George Carlin
Image
The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
George Carlin
Image
Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'
George Carlin
Image
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
George Carlin
Image
Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
George Carlin
Image
There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
George Carlin
Image
When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
George Carlin
Image
The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
George Carlin
Image
I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
George Carlin
Image
The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
George Carlin
Image
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
George Carlin
Image
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin
Image
Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
George Carlin