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I believe you can joke about anything.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Joke
Jokes
Anything
Believe

More quotes by George Carlin

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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
George Carlin
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
George Carlin
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut.
George Carlin
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
George Carlin
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
George Carlin
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
George Carlin
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
George Carlin
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How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
George Carlin
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
George Carlin
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
George Carlin
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
George Carlin
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If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
George Carlin
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Hooray for most things!
George Carlin
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
George Carlin
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
George Carlin
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
George Carlin
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
George Carlin